Thursday, July 23, 2009

37 Years Young

This past week has been an eventful few days for me. Alot has happened. My cousin JoAnn McCoy passed away after a long battle with cancer. She was a real sweet lady. Her funeral was this past Monday with the viewing on Sunday. Once again, another close family member has passed away. It seems that this is a never ending battle for me. Every so often a death has occurred and have to go on with this life and live without someone else in it. She was a grandmotherly person in my life. She was so full of love for everyone in the family. She started the Pierce/Durfee family reunion many years ago and has kept it alive since then. This year's reunion was a few days before her passing, so she wasn't able to attend. When mom and I visited her a few weeks before, she was in such good mood and such vibrant health, we were surprised somewhat when she passed. I didn't go to the viewing instead spending the time with one of my "besties" as we call ourselves.

Joey was fun to be with during that time. She picked me up from the hotel and we went back to her house to spend some time together and her family. We cooked smores and the kids and her husband went swimming in their pool. It looked like fun in the pool as her husband threw the kids about and the laughter and fun time was infectious. I gave her a birthday gift (her birthday being today July 23rd) and she got upset with me. She said she loved it but I shouldn't of gave her anything. But it was my idea to give it to her anyways. She thought I was kidding and she was hoping I wouldn't give her anything. But I had to. It was fun surprising her with the small gift.

When she drove me back to the hotel later that night, we said our goodbyes and I got out of her van, the shorts I was wearing fell down. Swoosh they were down. No warning just down they went, to the knees. I was so embarrassed I didn't turn around hoping she did not see what had just happened. As I chatted with her tonight I found out she did in fact not see what happened. I had the belt tightened as tight as I could, I guess I have to get the drill out again and make another hole in the belt.

Monday at the funeral, it was a good turn out. JoAnn touched so many people's lives. She taught thousands and thousands piano over her 50 plus years teaching. Many cakes, many parties. There was so many people there to honor her. After the family goodbyes/closing of the casket, I was amazed that the whole chapel was filled with family and friends. I don't think there could of been anyone else sit in the pews. We were all elbow to elbow. If anyone else showed up, the overflow would of had to been opened up. It was good to have so many show up to pay tribute to a very fine lady.

Tuesday was my birthday. The day started off really uneventful. I received a few birthday wishes from friends and family throughout the day. Then talking with the wife about getting our tattoos. She has told me the past little while that she wanted one and wouldn't allow me to get another without her getting one first. So as the day went by, she told me lets plan on getting our tattoos tonight. It was a total surprise. I never thought she would follow through with it. We originally planned on going to Olive Garden for dinner and movie with Jeff and his wife. Since it was only a few days before I could begin to eat anything, with no restrictions, but with JoAnn's passing I canceled those plans because at the time we didn't know when the funeral would be. It's a good thing we did cancel, because in the end there was an emergency and wouldn't of been able to do anything.

Jen, Jeff's wife, had to have emergency surgery that night. She had a case of appendicitis and had to be rushed into LDS Hospital to have the surgery. But thank goodness nothing happened and it didn't burst. That could of been a major problem. Earlier I took her to the hospital because their truck needs a few repairs and Jeff was at work. She was in a lot of pain and just didn't feel good for the past few days. I'm glad to say she is back home and recuperating. Glad nothing happened to her.

It was real fun getting the tattoos with Heather and have made plans with my sisters to have one done with them too. And if Joey gets the nerve up, I hope to have one with her as well. Heather and I plan on having 1 more done together, then by then I should have everything I want. Each one of my tattoos have special meaning in my life.

My first tattoo I got with Jeff while on a business trip down in Cedar City. It is the symbol of the Blue Knights Drum and Bugle Corps, the marching group I belonged to in 1990 and 1991. My second tattoo was on another business trip to Price, Utah this time. It is a dream catcher with 6 feathers coming off of it, each symbolizing one of my kids. My third tattoo was my tribute to my father, being a member of Coastal Division 11 during the Viet Nam war, the snoopy, is half way done. I have to go back and have it finished. My 4th tattoo is my tribute to my Uncle Byron, who was my best friend for all my life, up to when he died 13 years ago. It is an outline of a 1967 Fender Mustang guitar with a frog sitting on a lilly pad inside the body of the guitar with the words "Lookin' Through Byron's Eyes" which was the song he wrote about his life. That last one was the one I got for my birthday.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta -

Your Name

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

- Jessica Blade -


Love Is ...

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

- Meghan -

All the love that history knows,
is said to be in every rose.
Yet all that could be found in two,
is less than what I feel for you.

- Author Unknown -

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Post Series -- Day 9

Well I ended the series just shy of my goal. My final weigh in was 59.6 lbs. I felt so good, I was very excited and could tell a difference all around. Clothes are fitting loose, majority of the pain is gone, energy has increased. Now the worry and hard part is coming.

I have noticed alot of different things that have occurred with my body in this transformation. It seems I don't need the CPAP as much. If I fall asleep and take a nap without the machine on, I feel that I have rested semi normal and didn't snore, I wake up feeling refreshed. That alone, is a very good thing. I feel I can sleep for a short time and not worry about not waking up. CPAP is used to keep the airway open during sleep. So that is a good thing. I feel I can turn it down and still be able to get a refreshing sleep. Plus the new mattress my mother got me, new Serta pillowtop, helps as well. And as long as I don't sleep with several pillows under my head, my airway stays open alot easier.

My belts have all gone through a transition as well. I went from the 4th hole on my belts to having to make a new hole in each of my belts. I'm going to keep adding holes to 1 of them, and keep as a daily wearer and in a year I should be able to wrap the whole belt around myself twice. I am able to tuck in my shirts now and not feel that the shirts are stretched to unbelief.

My blood sugars have been very steady. I'm going to have to make a doctor appt w/ my doctor and see if I need to keep taking all the medications he has me on. It would be so nice to be able to get off the medications and the CPAP machine. My face sucker as everyone in the family calls it. There are some medications I'm sure I'll have to keep up on, my Vitamin D for my joint health, my B12 for heart health and my allergy pills.

I do have some disturbing news tho, I have gained about 7 lbs from when I was on the shots. I kinda haven't followed the diet like I should be. It goes on faster than when it goes off. It has scared me. I can't eat as much as I have been. I have cheated a lot and now have the know how of what I can do. I'm so scared of gaining my weight back. I have set a goal of losing 20 more lbs before I go back, weight of 380, which because of my weight gain, is now 27 lbs I have to lose. I will have to find some way to keep myself full so I don't want to keep eating. I have found some Benifiber packages that can be put in something liquid w/ 3 grams of fiber in it. I'm going to try to use them to keep me feeling full. Also, will probably get Alli for appetite suppression. Plus I'm going to have to hit the gym harder than I have been. But it is so hard going by myself and get the gumption to go. Once I'm there I do my 20 to 30 mins on the treadmill without any problems, it's just getting there that is the problem.

Some other bad news, my cousin Joann McCoy has passed away. It is good hearing that her suffering is gone. Her pain is alleviated. But sad to hear that she is not going to be around anymore. She was a very special lady. She will be missed at the yearly family reunions. But mom and I was able to pay her a good visit not to long ago and was able to have a fun time with her. Which was a special time for us both.

I spent the 4th of July at work. All the fireworks calls were a pain in the rear end. It happens every year. It's one thing that can be guaranteed. I missed going to a concert with my family, I hear they had a fun time, but I was very upset that I wasn't able to attend. I had planned on attending and was going to have a big BBQ for everyone in my family then go over to the concert, but I didn't project my schedule out far enough and ended up having to work. I could not find anyone to trade me, even though I have covered for others, no one seems to be able to pay me back. It was sort of a shock, oh well, the past is the past.

I am happy to say, Heather was accepted into the Western Governors University School of Teaching. She has begun the process of her becoming a Special Education Teacher. It was long overdue. She has been working for Deseret Industries for the past 2 years and will have to leave there and begin the next step in her life. I'm hoping she can get into the school work and get it done fairly quick. I have agreed to let her stay home and use the time she would of spent working a job, doing her homework and achieving her degree. I'm really hoping it will not take her long. Money will be tight, especially now that we are paying more for rent and our bills have gone up. But we should be able to squeak by with what I'm making. We will have money saved up which will help, and "extra money" from her school loans and grants that will give us some breathing room. Once she can get her Special Ed certification she will be able to write her own "ticket". She can walk into any school district in this state and be able to walk out with a position. Plus I have found information on grants and loan forgiveness programs if she teaches in the rural part of the state for 4 years, she can get even more money to help with college expenses.

I have as well begun the process of going back to school. Mine is going to be a little harder to get into. I'm going to be going to WGU as well, but going for my teaching certificate for a science teacher. Because I have withdrawn in the past and looking at re-enrolling, I have a few more steps that I have to go through to gain re-admittance into the school. And have changed majors. But I have begun the process and hope to keep it up. Although it is not what I would care to do as a career, with my current work schedule it will give me something to shoot for in life. Something I can be proud of "when I grow up". I have always wanted to become a music teacher, but I figure get the education and the certification as a teacher then after my "teaching commitment" I can look at getting back into music and become a music teacher, which was my goal when I graduated high school.

Next week on the 21st is my birthday. 37 years old. Boy I am getting old. I have had the chance lately to look back at my life. I have had some very good opportunities in life. I have traveled. I have played my music for thousands of people, maybe hundreds of thousands. I have loved my life for the most part, I married my high school sweetheart. Have 6 wonderful kids, the joy of my life. I have had parents that were able to provide for me growing up and have given me chances that most kids were not able to do. I appreciate all that they have given me and the love and support they continue to give me. Memories and traditions that I've carried into my family. Traditions that mean alot to my children. They have provided me a stable and enjoyable life. I have grown into who I am because of my parents and my other family members, because I have a close family, both immediate and extended.

Next week is also one of my best friend's birthdays as well. My "bestie" as she calls it. Joey is a couple years behind me and have missed her friendship and support for 18 years, since we graduated high school. I never knew her birthday was so close to mine, but find it great to have such a close friend have a birthday almost right next to mine. Her birthday is on the 23rd. Happy birthday and I am glad we have found each other again. I thank you for all you for all you have done for me. Without you I am not sure I would of been able to make it through my new life process. We both have a goal and have exactly 1 year until we are both to reach our goals. The 5 mile run in Richfield. It will be a long road, but I hope one that will come quickly. I promise here, like I have promised you, I will be there running side by side with you.

This is one of my favorite songs by the famous group Metallica. It means so much to me and I thought I could put it here and dedicate to one that means so much to me. The song is called "Nothing Else Matters".

So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
no nothing else matters

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Day 35---Almost Over Step 1

Day 35, woke up to a weight loss. Still losing weight 35 days out. That is just amazing. Although I do feel a little hungry at times, more than I have been. I worry I am beginning to become immune to the hormone, but hope it holds out for 5 more days. But if the hunger continues or intensifies, I'm going to have to contact my doctor and he'll probably tell me to just stop taking the shot. I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up my shots yet. I know I will have to in 5 days, but I want that extra help to reach my goal. I hope I can just wow my doctor even more in a week. Would be nice if he decided he needed someone to be a spokesperson for his clinic. He doesn't have one. So far I'll be the one that lost the most weight in his clinic.

I had to put another hole in my belt. This process has been very amazing to me. I have lost so much weight and fat around my mid-section. I went from hole 4 on my belt to making another one. Hole #4 was very tight on me and I had to suck in my belly to get it tight enough to clasp. Now in the new hole I have no problems buckling my belt and in fact if I carry anything I have to make sure I am careful and not suck in to much or have had my pants fall down as soon as I get in the house from the driveway. That would be a site if it ever happened in public.

My shirts are getting big on me too, but I have such a big chest I've probably only lost 1 shirt size. I don't have to stretch them out to fit me properly, but just slip on and go.

Every single one of my clothes have to be altered after this series, or I will end up losing them somewhere in public. Especially my pants. I figure that will be the cheapest for me, but I look forward to getting that new wardrobe in the very near future. I know I won't be able to keep altering through this process. One regret I have about this whole thing is that I did not take a "before" picture to compare to my "after" picture. I do have a pair of pants that fit me good that I purchased just before I started that will be my motivation. I will always keep this pair of pants in my closet as a daily reminder of where I was and never want to get back to. I look forward to the day when I can fit my whole body in 1 of the legs and take a "after" picture with the waist stretched out. '

I don't think I will ever get skinny skinny. I will have to much stretched skin and will need surgery to correct that. With my current situation, I'll never be able to afford that. I would love to have 6 pack abs, but I don't think I will ever obtain them, unless I win the lottery or have a million bucks thrown at me. I plan on beginning abdominal exercises after this series is done and continue through the remaining processes. I hope this helps with the saggy skin, but I think that it'll be with me. The doctor wants to be able to perform the surgery to remove what skin there will be. I told him I'm not sure if that will be a possibility for me. I told him coming up with the money for the injections put a financial burden on me and my family. When Heather loses her job in the next month or 2, it will be a major burden. I will have to continue to make it a priority for me and may have to switch to the drops instead of the shots, because that is about 1/7Th of the cost. That is the one thing that has me worried for the near future. I can't stop this, I can't chance it on my own. I did that for my whole life, and we all seen where it got me. I have to much riding on this; my life, my self esteem, my promises.

There is a special person in my life that has been a big supporter of my weight loss journey. One that means the world to me, as a friend, my best friend. For this I will be eternally grateful. For this, I would not be as committed to my weight loss. She motivates me every single day. She only sees the positive in me. She has brought me such great joy. I love you and thank you for everything. Ronnie Milsap sings a song that puts my feelings into words. It has become one of my favorite songs ever.

What A Difference You've Made In My Life

What - a - difference you've made in my life
What a difference you've made in my life
You're my sunshine day and night
Oh what a difference you've made in my life

What a change you have made in my heart
What a change you have made in my heart
You replaced all the broken parts
Oh what a change you have made in my heart

Love to me was just a word in a song
That had been way over-used
But now I've joined in the singin'
'Cause you've shown me love's true meanin'
That's why I want to spread the news

What a difference you've made in my life
What a difference you've made in my life
You're my sunshine day and night
Oh what a difference you've made in my life

What a difference you've made in my life
What a difference you've made in my life
You're my sunshine day and night
Oh what a difference you've made, yeah-eah

What a difference you've made in my life
Difference you've made in my life
What a difference you've made in my life
You're my sunshine day and night
Oh what a difference you've made


What a difference you've made in my life
What a difference you've made in my life, yeah-heah-eah-eah-heah
You're my sunshine day and night
Oh yeah, sing it to me
What a difference you've made

What a difference you've made in my life, woh-oh-oh-oh
What a difference you've made in my life
You're my sunshine day and night
Oh what a difference you've made
What a difference you've made, in my life