Day 3, final pig out day. I haven't been able to do as much as I have wanted with it my last "free" day. My allergies are going crazy. I don't know if I'm ready for the big step tomorrow. Tomorrow begins the 500 calorie day. For the next 40 days. I have been given a big incentive and I have been given a big promise, I am not going to screw up either one :o). I can't say what my incentive is, but my promise is in a year I'm going to run a 5K with my good friend Joey. By then I should of completed my HCG and be ready to take on the 5K with plenty of stride.
Today's shot was a little late again, but my skin almost didn't let me give it the shot. It was like it got it's own mind. It took me 3 tries to finally find a spot where the skin will let me give the shot. The needle is so thin and I have fairly tough skin, I have to find a different "soft spot" each day so I can give me the shot. So far I haven't been able to find any on the left thigh, I have had the first 3 shots in the right thigh. I don't want to push to hard on the needle because it can and will bend and I don't want to chance of having it break off in me. That would be a major problem. But tomorrow I have to switch so my right thigh doesn't get "sore" from the shots.
I have gained a little since yesterday, only 0.6 lbs but yesterday was a major pig out day. I ate everything and anything I could get my hands on. I'm surprised I lost weight since I started. Especially with what I have been eating. Do I regret doing this ?? Never, am I scared about it ? Yes but I have enough people who know about it that if they see me cheating or anything, they will kick my butt. Do I think I will cheat, not really, but it's still tempting. It's going to be very hard for me to remember I can't have sodas. I think that is going to be the hardest thing for me. But I will do this and I will accomplish everything.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
2 Weeks up already?!?!?!?
Well 2 weeks were up yesterday. Day 1 of the HCG injections was less intrusive than I thought it would be. The shots themselves don't hurt, it's getting over the fact that I have to shove this piece of metal into my body. This is a new thing for me. Eventhough I was an EMT for 12 years, did CNA work for 4 and had a mom for a nurse for over 4o years, had to take Heather's own blood on more than one occassion because the nurses couldn't find a vein and do it properly, I HATE NEEDLES!!!! The doctor I went to, Dr. Dunkley, was a very nice person. He took the time to answer all my questions, he went the extra step to draw my blood, he just had wonderful bedside manners. I think I'm going to enjoy going to him.
Once it came time for me to give myself the injection, and once he found out that I have had medical training, he felt that he did not need to show me how to prepare the shot or inject myself. I placed the needle on the syringe, injected the needle into the HCG, drew out the appropriate 1.5 cc, then I sat there for 30 to 45 seconds with the needle barely touching my skin, then I thought "Why be a wuss?" and just pushed it in. Eventhough the needle itself was 2 1/2 inches long, it was so thin, that when I took it out, it didn't even bleed. It is so thin, the initial shock of giving yourself a shot is the worst part, I can't even feel it.
Day 1 was so exciting. The begining of this new journey for me. After the doctor appointment, we (Jeff, Jen and I) decided that we was going to go to Golden Corral to eat lunch. I had to be fasting for some blood work, and had been thinking of food the whole morning.
The first 3 days of the diet, we are to eat anything and everything, and then eat a little more. I'm not on the strict 500 calorie diet yet. That begins Monday.
I got home from Salt Lake around 1 pm and decided since I have been up for nearly 24 hours, I had best get some sleep since it was my anniversary and I wanted to do something with my wife of 16 years. About 3:30 pm I got a wake up call that dad is in the hospital with pulmonary emboli, blood clots in his lungs. I got up and dressed and rushed over to the hospital to give him a blessing and to make sure he is ok. I was there for a few hours and came home and Heather had to take the kids swimming for their reward for doing good in school. My time with Heather was gone. Scary situation, but I believe will end up being ok.
Day 2 of the HCG injections. I figured I'd give them about 6 am since that is the time I would be coming home from work. I need to give them about the same time each day. Well with not getting much sleep yesterday, I slept in past my alarm. I ended up giving my shot at 7 am and once again had that short little pause, before I could give myself the shot. Heather volunteered to do it for me, but I knew she wouldn't be able to. I have to man up and do it myself :o).
I have received so much support with this. I have been surprised by the amount of outpouring support by people that I never imagined. It has been a real eye opener for me. I will do this, I will be successful and I will be healthy in a very short time. I will be. NO MORE I HOPE. I WILL BE!!!!!
Once it came time for me to give myself the injection, and once he found out that I have had medical training, he felt that he did not need to show me how to prepare the shot or inject myself. I placed the needle on the syringe, injected the needle into the HCG, drew out the appropriate 1.5 cc, then I sat there for 30 to 45 seconds with the needle barely touching my skin, then I thought "Why be a wuss?" and just pushed it in. Eventhough the needle itself was 2 1/2 inches long, it was so thin, that when I took it out, it didn't even bleed. It is so thin, the initial shock of giving yourself a shot is the worst part, I can't even feel it.
Day 1 was so exciting. The begining of this new journey for me. After the doctor appointment, we (Jeff, Jen and I) decided that we was going to go to Golden Corral to eat lunch. I had to be fasting for some blood work, and had been thinking of food the whole morning.
The first 3 days of the diet, we are to eat anything and everything, and then eat a little more. I'm not on the strict 500 calorie diet yet. That begins Monday.
I got home from Salt Lake around 1 pm and decided since I have been up for nearly 24 hours, I had best get some sleep since it was my anniversary and I wanted to do something with my wife of 16 years. About 3:30 pm I got a wake up call that dad is in the hospital with pulmonary emboli, blood clots in his lungs. I got up and dressed and rushed over to the hospital to give him a blessing and to make sure he is ok. I was there for a few hours and came home and Heather had to take the kids swimming for their reward for doing good in school. My time with Heather was gone. Scary situation, but I believe will end up being ok.
Day 2 of the HCG injections. I figured I'd give them about 6 am since that is the time I would be coming home from work. I need to give them about the same time each day. Well with not getting much sleep yesterday, I slept in past my alarm. I ended up giving my shot at 7 am and once again had that short little pause, before I could give myself the shot. Heather volunteered to do it for me, but I knew she wouldn't be able to. I have to man up and do it myself :o).
I have received so much support with this. I have been surprised by the amount of outpouring support by people that I never imagined. It has been a real eye opener for me. I will do this, I will be successful and I will be healthy in a very short time. I will be. NO MORE I HOPE. I WILL BE!!!!!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Night Before.....
The night before...before the change of my life. As I begin this process of loosing the weight, I tend to think about the struggles that lies ahead for me. I know this process won't be easy and it won't be quick. I have basically doubled my size since I got out of high school, that was 18 years ago. Tomorrow I face my worst fears, needles!!! I've been promised that they don't hurt, so they better not, or someone is gonna get it, just kidding Jen.
I look forward to this change, this change is a positive in my life. I hope it can be a positive change for other family members as well. My mom and dad both need to lose weight, mom is in worst shape than I am, and I fear she will be gone before she makes any changes. She has promised to make the changes needed and have the authorization to go do the gastric by pass and has promised me that she will now concentrate on getting it done ASAP now that dad has finished his surgery. Healthwise, she needs the bypass over the weight loss plan I am doing, and has the go ahead from all her doctors to proceed with it. She has a doctor in Reno waiting to do her surgery, but has to lose 10% of weight (25 to 35 lbs) before she can have it done to help with fat surrounding her organs. She gets upset when someone tries to help her. She eats junk food like it's going out of style. She will not throw food away, every last ounce either has to be eaten or taken home. She gets real testy when someone tries to help. Tries to convince her that every morsel of food does not have to be eaten, that it is ok to throw things away. Her fridge is always full of uneaten food, that tends to get bad and gets tossed anyways. Good majority of it comes to me and my family to eat.
I have posted on facebook my plans for tomorrow and have had an out pouring of support as well one that was saying I was crazy for doing this. I found out in such a short time tonight how many people other than family, are out there to support me. I have had people I work with come out to support, I've had people I very seldom knew come to support me and offer encouragement. It almost brought tears to my eyes tonight to read what people have said to me and on facebook. I have had several people come to me in private saying I'm an inspiration to them, I've become someone they look up to, people I haven't even seen or known since high school. So on this journey has begun in a positive step forward, and if I can influence 1 person to get better with themselves, then my goal of this blog has met it's goal.
I look forward to this change, this change is a positive in my life. I hope it can be a positive change for other family members as well. My mom and dad both need to lose weight, mom is in worst shape than I am, and I fear she will be gone before she makes any changes. She has promised to make the changes needed and have the authorization to go do the gastric by pass and has promised me that she will now concentrate on getting it done ASAP now that dad has finished his surgery. Healthwise, she needs the bypass over the weight loss plan I am doing, and has the go ahead from all her doctors to proceed with it. She has a doctor in Reno waiting to do her surgery, but has to lose 10% of weight (25 to 35 lbs) before she can have it done to help with fat surrounding her organs. She gets upset when someone tries to help her. She eats junk food like it's going out of style. She will not throw food away, every last ounce either has to be eaten or taken home. She gets real testy when someone tries to help. Tries to convince her that every morsel of food does not have to be eaten, that it is ok to throw things away. Her fridge is always full of uneaten food, that tends to get bad and gets tossed anyways. Good majority of it comes to me and my family to eat.
I have posted on facebook my plans for tomorrow and have had an out pouring of support as well one that was saying I was crazy for doing this. I found out in such a short time tonight how many people other than family, are out there to support me. I have had people I work with come out to support, I've had people I very seldom knew come to support me and offer encouragement. It almost brought tears to my eyes tonight to read what people have said to me and on facebook. I have had several people come to me in private saying I'm an inspiration to them, I've become someone they look up to, people I haven't even seen or known since high school. So on this journey has begun in a positive step forward, and if I can influence 1 person to get better with themselves, then my goal of this blog has met it's goal.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Going "Back Home"
I am very excited to be going back home in 2 days. Back home meaning Wayne County, southern Utah. Wayne County means so much to me personally and with the family. Our family was called and set apart to settle the area by Brigham Young. And majority of the area is still part of the family. My family is burried there, meaning grandma, granddad, Uncle Byron and we even have our plots there.
Wayne County is such a magical place. The red rocks, the water, the people, all are absolutely beautiful. Small towns replace the big cities, things almost runs backwards there. Everything is closed by 6 pm. Couple movie theaters in all the communities. Everyone knows your name.
I remember one time when I was a teenager, we were down there for memorial day and was going to come home, when we went to the little store across the street from the hotel we always stayed at, the Hell's Angels motorcycle club rolled into town. My dad was on the police force here in Tooele, but had no jurisdiction in Wayne County, but the sheriff's dept knew we were in town and had one of the deputies talk to dad to ask us to hang around, just in case. My dad always carried his trusty 357 duty revolver with him where ever we went, when I seen him move it from the back of the truck to under the front seat, I knew something may go down. Luckily nothing happened and the Hell's Angels left the area.
I remember one time, Jeff went to Wayne County with us when we was in school. He got in trouble by mom when he climbed on this cabin in Capital Reef. One of the times he got the count from my mom. I think he even got the look so he got a double wammy.
Wayne County is such a magical place. The red rocks, the water, the people, all are absolutely beautiful. Small towns replace the big cities, things almost runs backwards there. Everything is closed by 6 pm. Couple movie theaters in all the communities. Everyone knows your name.
I remember one time when I was a teenager, we were down there for memorial day and was going to come home, when we went to the little store across the street from the hotel we always stayed at, the Hell's Angels motorcycle club rolled into town. My dad was on the police force here in Tooele, but had no jurisdiction in Wayne County, but the sheriff's dept knew we were in town and had one of the deputies talk to dad to ask us to hang around, just in case. My dad always carried his trusty 357 duty revolver with him where ever we went, when I seen him move it from the back of the truck to under the front seat, I knew something may go down. Luckily nothing happened and the Hell's Angels left the area.
I remember one time, Jeff went to Wayne County with us when we was in school. He got in trouble by mom when he climbed on this cabin in Capital Reef. One of the times he got the count from my mom. I think he even got the look so he got a double wammy.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Hopes and Fears
I have many hopes and fears in many aspects of my life. My life seems like it's on a constant whirlwind of many new and exciting things in the very near future. I hope with this new diet and weightloss plan I will be able to do it and give it my all. My all to make it successful and once and for all gain control over my weight problem. I'm not sure what my goal weight will be. I was thinking about what I ended high school at. That is still heavy for what I should be, but I thought I looked good then. I would be happy there. I've been very skinny and didn't think it looked good on me. I'm one that needs a little meat on me to make me look good.
Fears are many. This is a drastic step, but not as drastic as it could be. I've always wanted the gastric bypass and still would do it if it was offered to me, but since my insurance won't cover it, I won't be having it any time soon. I would rob a bank, but don't think I could do that. This will involved daily shots and a very low calorie diet of no sugars, no starches, no dairy, NO GOOD STUFF !! Alot of salads (with no dressing), 4 oz non-fatty meat for lunch and dinner, etc. Total can not exceed 500 calories. The diet/shots is known to make the body use up the fat stores quickly. I have known 3 people personally who have done this and have been able to keep it off and look good for it.
I hope that I look half as good as they do when my first series is done.
Fears are many. This is a drastic step, but not as drastic as it could be. I've always wanted the gastric bypass and still would do it if it was offered to me, but since my insurance won't cover it, I won't be having it any time soon. I would rob a bank, but don't think I could do that. This will involved daily shots and a very low calorie diet of no sugars, no starches, no dairy, NO GOOD STUFF !! Alot of salads (with no dressing), 4 oz non-fatty meat for lunch and dinner, etc. Total can not exceed 500 calories. The diet/shots is known to make the body use up the fat stores quickly. I have known 3 people personally who have done this and have been able to keep it off and look good for it.
I hope that I look half as good as they do when my first series is done.
Friday, May 15, 2009
2 Weeks....
2 weeks from today, May 29th, I will begin my journey. I begin the HCG shots on my anniversary. It is my anniversary gift to myself. Begining of a healthier me. I am anxious about it and scared. There is alot of questions in my mind about the whole thing, but I am going to go into it full throttle and give it 100%. Like I've said, this is my last ditch effort. That day is the begining of my new life. New healthier life. I've neglected myself way to long. I'm tired of feeling sick and tired. I'm tired of making excuses.
I'm axiously waiting for my special ordered weight scale. It should be here sometime today. I'm afraid to climb on there tomorrow and see how much my begining weight is going to be. I'm afraid of the number that is going to pop up. I'm very scared and will prob cry about it. This is a very emotional time for me. My weight is very scary to me.
I'm going to Wayne County next week and want to be able to do some of the hikes. Not sure if I'm going to be able to. Espicially if my back hurts like it did today. I was out shopping and because my back was kinked last night sleeping it was very hard for me walking around the stores I had to go to. By the time I was able to rest it, my back was so sore, it was taking my breath away. I had to take 3 Doans Back Relief to get it feeling better. I'm looking forward to that part of my illness gone, I hope. If I'm in back pain, it keeps me from doing so many things.
I'm axiously waiting for my special ordered weight scale. It should be here sometime today. I'm afraid to climb on there tomorrow and see how much my begining weight is going to be. I'm afraid of the number that is going to pop up. I'm very scared and will prob cry about it. This is a very emotional time for me. My weight is very scary to me.
I'm going to Wayne County next week and want to be able to do some of the hikes. Not sure if I'm going to be able to. Espicially if my back hurts like it did today. I was out shopping and because my back was kinked last night sleeping it was very hard for me walking around the stores I had to go to. By the time I was able to rest it, my back was so sore, it was taking my breath away. I had to take 3 Doans Back Relief to get it feeling better. I'm looking forward to that part of my illness gone, I hope. If I'm in back pain, it keeps me from doing so many things.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Late Nights....
I sit here at work thinking about life almost every night. Life has dealt me such a rough hand. I've had to bury many loved ones, including a son. I've had major financial problems, marital problems, depression, dealing with what ifs and if nots. I have some major health issues, due to choices I've made over the years. I sometimes feel unworthy of any happiness because anything I've found that made me happy, I've had to fight for. I don't say this to say my life is harder than anyone else's, but to sort of explain reasons why I've made some choices I've made.
Amanda was born August 30, 1997, the day Princes Diana died. Heather and I watched the whole thing transpired while the labor increased. Many people thought we should of named her Diana after Princess Diana, but we didn't, we kept our plans. Her middle name is Clarice, after Heather's grandmother's name. Heather had no problems that I can remember with this pregnancy that I can remember, our first and "normal" delivery. Amanda was born in LDS Hospital in Salt Lake Utah. For the most part, was a wonderful experience. Amanda was normal in every way possible. No major medical issues at birth, no extra days spent in any medical units. A blessing that we didn't have to go through that again.
Shelley was born August 19, 1999 in the old hospital in Tooele. The first of our brood to be born here in Tooele. She was also a normal delivery. Only issue during the pregnancy was that Heather developed gestational diabetes. Having dealt with diabetes all my life, I knew how to take care of her. Luckily, all she had to do was control it by diet. Once again, no major medical problems associated with her birth.
Randall on the other hand, born July 5th, 2001 he was born a little early. He developed breathing problems and was transferred into Primary Children's Hospital, right back to NICU we went. The transfer was completed and we found ourselves in the same room we spent so many of the days Elijah was there. Once the nursing staff found that out, we were moved to another room. Randall only spent 2 or 3 weeks in NICU, much better experience than being there for 81 days and loosing a son on our last "visit". Once again, all the staff there was awesome. They know their stuff. Randall wasn't as in dire straights as Elijah was so it was a much easier time for us there. Since then, no major medical issues has come about. Just like Elijah, when ever he gets a cold it tends to settle in his lungs more than any of the other kids.
We've never really had much money. We probably spend it as fast as it comes in. It seems like there is always someone trying to get their hands on our money, we haven't been able to save to much, but we still try to make do and keep everyone happy. My kids don't have the best of clothes, girls get their hair cuts by Heather, boys get buzzed. They have second hand clothes, but each one has their own style.
Mindee is like a tom boy, dressing in jeans and tee shirts. Doesn't get into skirts unless it's for something dressy or church and is quick to change when she can. Elijah likes to wear work out clothes, he is proud to be lifting weights to build up his body, but loves to dress up when he can and when he goes to church. Amanda is definitely a girly girl. She loves the dresses and dressing nice and loves that she is becoming a young woman. Shelley likes to dress up too, but can down play anything she wears and would be just as happy running and jumping in the mud. Randall, is still trying to come to his own, but is very sad that his favorite jacket was stolen at school. He had a Levi jacket that had Harry Potter's Grippedorf Owl on the back of it. Someone took it right from school.
Mindee is into Fox racing, Elijah is into WWE wrestling, Amanda is into boys and Jonas Brothers, Shelley loves Orlando Bloom and Randall loves Dora the Explorer.
As the kids grow, it's fun watching them all sprout into their own thing. It'll be sad to see Mindee move out on her own when she graduates this summer. By then she will have a good job and can afford to do it on her own, plus she has plenty of friends that will help out and move in together. Like all kids, they can't wait for the day when they can get out on their own and spread their wings, it'll be hard for me to let her do that. But in the end I must, I count the days when I can say good bye to Randall, and have an empty nest, then I can be able to do some things I've put off doing (11 years LOL).
Amanda was born August 30, 1997, the day Princes Diana died. Heather and I watched the whole thing transpired while the labor increased. Many people thought we should of named her Diana after Princess Diana, but we didn't, we kept our plans. Her middle name is Clarice, after Heather's grandmother's name. Heather had no problems that I can remember with this pregnancy that I can remember, our first and "normal" delivery. Amanda was born in LDS Hospital in Salt Lake Utah. For the most part, was a wonderful experience. Amanda was normal in every way possible. No major medical issues at birth, no extra days spent in any medical units. A blessing that we didn't have to go through that again.
Shelley was born August 19, 1999 in the old hospital in Tooele. The first of our brood to be born here in Tooele. She was also a normal delivery. Only issue during the pregnancy was that Heather developed gestational diabetes. Having dealt with diabetes all my life, I knew how to take care of her. Luckily, all she had to do was control it by diet. Once again, no major medical problems associated with her birth.
Randall on the other hand, born July 5th, 2001 he was born a little early. He developed breathing problems and was transferred into Primary Children's Hospital, right back to NICU we went. The transfer was completed and we found ourselves in the same room we spent so many of the days Elijah was there. Once the nursing staff found that out, we were moved to another room. Randall only spent 2 or 3 weeks in NICU, much better experience than being there for 81 days and loosing a son on our last "visit". Once again, all the staff there was awesome. They know their stuff. Randall wasn't as in dire straights as Elijah was so it was a much easier time for us there. Since then, no major medical issues has come about. Just like Elijah, when ever he gets a cold it tends to settle in his lungs more than any of the other kids.
We've never really had much money. We probably spend it as fast as it comes in. It seems like there is always someone trying to get their hands on our money, we haven't been able to save to much, but we still try to make do and keep everyone happy. My kids don't have the best of clothes, girls get their hair cuts by Heather, boys get buzzed. They have second hand clothes, but each one has their own style.
Mindee is like a tom boy, dressing in jeans and tee shirts. Doesn't get into skirts unless it's for something dressy or church and is quick to change when she can. Elijah likes to wear work out clothes, he is proud to be lifting weights to build up his body, but loves to dress up when he can and when he goes to church. Amanda is definitely a girly girl. She loves the dresses and dressing nice and loves that she is becoming a young woman. Shelley likes to dress up too, but can down play anything she wears and would be just as happy running and jumping in the mud. Randall, is still trying to come to his own, but is very sad that his favorite jacket was stolen at school. He had a Levi jacket that had Harry Potter's Grippedorf Owl on the back of it. Someone took it right from school.
Mindee is into Fox racing, Elijah is into WWE wrestling, Amanda is into boys and Jonas Brothers, Shelley loves Orlando Bloom and Randall loves Dora the Explorer.
As the kids grow, it's fun watching them all sprout into their own thing. It'll be sad to see Mindee move out on her own when she graduates this summer. By then she will have a good job and can afford to do it on her own, plus she has plenty of friends that will help out and move in together. Like all kids, they can't wait for the day when they can get out on their own and spread their wings, it'll be hard for me to let her do that. But in the end I must, I count the days when I can say good bye to Randall, and have an empty nest, then I can be able to do some things I've put off doing (11 years LOL).
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