Love is a very interesting thing. Love, sometimes, is overrated. Much of my past experiences with love has been met with great heartache and disappointment. But coming from a romantic at heart, love will always be something I am part of. I often think with my heart, instead of my mind. My heart and mind battle constantly every day. I don't think there is a decision I make that I haven't thought of a thousand times, or felt with my heart. Many of the decisions, are very hard for me.
There used to be a standing joke in my family, if you ever cared to see the city of Tooele, let me show you where all my girlfriends lived. And if you counted all my "girlfriends" or "friends that was girls" that isn't far from the truth. I had "girlfriends" that stretched into the whole county. But only 3 really captured my heart.
My "first love", we were together for some time. We are now just acquaintances, but yes my heart does still do flip flops when I see her. I'm not sure if it's just because I seen her or if it's because I truly have feelings for her. She ended up getting with the biggest jerk and totally inappropriate for her. They ended up in a divorce. But not before they ended up having kids. But was put in a tough situation. In the end, the one thing I miss about her is that at Christmas time she made the best divinity candy.
My second, ended up getting married. Long story short, 6 kids later, we've been married for 16 years. Our oldest daughter graduated high school this year and is beginning her life in woman hood. Our next 2 oldest were born twins, but unfortunately we lost one. Born 3 months premature we were lucky to have one survive. That was little over 14 years ago. Our next 2 girls, born almost exactly 2 years apart, the first being born the night of Princess Di's tragic death and the next coming just a few days shy of 2 years. Then the baby, full of spunk and vinegar, is always a constant side show. He's our joker. The one you can't stay mad at to long. He makes everyone smile just being in his presence. He's going to be the one that will follow in daddy's footsteps and have all the girlfriends. No one can escape his charm, even at 7 years old.
Our life as a couple has not been as exciting or secure as it should of been. We were never friends with money and live a constant battles trying to please everyone. Fortunately we will probably never become intimate with money. Depression, health issues and constant debt has been our "friends". Not much of a exciting life, but one we have to deal with nonetheless.
The next one I'll call "The One That Got Away". We all have them. The one that sort of knew how I felt, but I was either to shy, nervous or something to never pursue it further. The one, that I keep telling her, that has grown from this cutie pie into a beautiful woman. Perfect in every way. She has became one of my deepest and closest friends. I don't have many and this means more to me than anything else. She is my closest confidante. It's funny what can happen after 18 years of no contact. I'm glad we found each other again. I look forward to what the next 18 years will bring.
Everyone else that I thought I "loved" ended up either trying to kill themselves while they were dating me, went to the other side (lesbian), totally disappeared, and even had a couple of imaginary girlfriends that were jokes that people played on me. Each had their uniqueness and their quirks. Growing up, I realized what I wanted in a mate. Each one had done their part, allowing me to grow and mature. To where I am now. Sometimes I wonder, if life, and love, is to be this painful and hard, but then I think of those who say they have never loved before. They are missing their lives. I feel sad for them, because I would of , "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. Love makes life so confusing, but without lovewould you really want to live?
"Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion." - Mirabeau
"When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out." - Elizabeth Bowen
"Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it'scalled falling in love, because you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall. " - Unknown
"I believe that to truly Love, is the ultimateexpression of the will to live. A heart thattruly loves is forever young." - Unknown
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person,but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." - Unknown
"Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says 'For the woman I love' and the second, 'For my best friend.' " - Unknown
"Maybe God put a few bad people in your life,so when the right one came along you'd be thankful. " - Andrea Kiefer
"It doesn't take a reason to love someone,but it does to like someone. You don't lovesomeone because you want to, you love someonebecause you are destined too. It's because youfall in Love with them, that you then try tofind a reason, but you always come up withthe answer, No reason!"
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