Day 29

Today I was pleasantly surprised that the scale read 45 lbs down. 11 more days to go, I still can reach my goal of 60 + lbs down. I would be so happy to reach 65, then I will be under 400 lbs for the first time in many many many years. That would make this whole process so much happier for me. Although what I have lost isn't anything to be ashamed at. It has definitely worked for me. I just worry during the "in between" phase.

After 11 days, I continue 3 days of the same diet as I am following now. Then I can add other foods to the diet for 3 weeks. I can drink milk, dairy products, other meats, more veggies and more fruit. I still have to pay close attention to the sugars and starches that I eat. For those 3 weeks, my body begins to metabolize to the new me and getting used to being a lot lighter than I am. Then for 3 weeks after I can eat anything and everything I want. This is where it begins to be very scary for me. This is the most scariest phase of my rotation, or series. I am scared of gaining any of the weight back. I will just have to watch what my portion sizes are and make sure I don't over do it. The couple times I have overeaten, I have felt a different. I have felt sick and can't believe that was a normal feeling for me. One thing I have learned is that I can't have much "extra" food to eat or I will tend to get very nauseated to the point I want to stick my finger down my throat to get it out. I learned real fast that I don't ever, EVER want to feel that again. I'm sure I will go back to eating my pizza, Chinese and other things I shouldn't eat, but would like to. The thing would be for me is portion size. Instead of having 5 or 6 pieces of pizza with several bread sticks and the marinara sauce and chase it down with 100 oz of MT Dew. I'll allow myself to eat 1 maybe 2 pieces of pizza with 1 bread stick and light on the sauce and drink Crystal Light or water.

I'm sure I'll have sodas, but it WILL NOT allow myself to go hog wild like I have in the past. I've grown to love water, Crystal Light and coffee. I haven't even been tempted to grab any of the sodas that I have had in my house. I still allowed others to have them around me and was not even tempted to have a swallow, because I know if I did that, that would be all it took. I would be back drinking 200 oz or more each day. Instead I plan on replacing that with water and or Crystal Light like I do currently.

My worst craving is Chinese food. I don't think this is because I need the Chinese food, but out of habit. I'm used to having Chinese food at least once a week. It was the only food I wasn't able to eat before I went on this diet. I did have Chinese one night. I broke down because I could not get the craving to leave me. I had a small ala carte order of Mandarin chicken with the Mandarin sauce. It tasted so delicious, but because of the fat in the chicken, it sure made me sick. It was the one and only time I did that. But I did find out, that Mandarin sauce is not that bad and I can subtract the calories out of my diet totals and be able to have that once in a while and sprinkle my chicken breast with it.

I have a real problem with dry meat. It was the hardest first 3 weeks because I really can't stand having dry meat. I tried a lot of things. I used to put this salad dressing on it that I can have that is 0 fat, 0 cals. It worked for a few weeks. But in the end, it didn't really taste good on the meat, but tasted heavenly on lettuce and cucumbers that I would eat. I found that the Walmart brand of A-1 sauce has 0 fat and only 5 cals for each tablespoon. I would sprinkle a tablespoon on each piece of meat to give me the flavor and to take care of the dry feeling of the meat.

I've gone to the movies a couple of times while on the diet. I did good I think. I had ice tea to drink with a few pieces of licorice (fat free) and a few handfuls of popcorn. Normally I would eat a full box of licorice, and want more, and close to a full large tub of buttered and flavored popcorn. That little bit I ate was very sufficient for my taste. And still made the movies enjoyable.

Overall, this first 30 days has been very easy for me. For the most part, I haven't felt to hungry after the first couple of days and have dealt with the different cravings as they came. I'd say for 90% of the cravings I have been able to talk myself out of them or used gum/Crystal Light to take care of them. But for those real hard cravings, I allowed myself to have very little to take away the cravings.

I have been dealing with some major back pain this past week. It's not because of the weight issue, it was because of either a kink from sleeping or as the doctor said, gout can manifest itself. I possibly have developed back gout, which isn't uncommon. I am on medication for my gout in my feet/toes but for some reason it might of just developed in my back. It has made my week sort of hard, but the past couple of days I've taken my indosine which is basically a very strong pain reliever. I'll have the doctor check my uric levels again and rule out the back gout or just hard kink from sleeping. I believe it is the later because the spine feels out of alignment, but can't be to sure.

I would love to finish out this post for today with one of my favorite songs I heard on the radio earlier tonight. Reo Speedwagon sings it. It's is called Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore. It is dedicated to one of my biggest supporters. Thanks for all you do for me.

I cant fight this feeling any longer
And yet Im still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I cant hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when were together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
Im keeping you in sight
Youre a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winters night
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
Its time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
Ive been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that Im following you, girl
Cause you take me to the places that alone Id never find

And even as I wander Im keeping you in sight
Youre a candle in the window on a cold, dark winters night
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
Its time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore.