With this new endeavor in the "final" beginning phases, it has been needed for a long time. I've had successes with many more failures with my weight problem. I ballooned from a weight of 250 when I graduated high school to near twice that 19 years later. That first summer after graduating I was in drum corps and lost over 75 lbs and was totally fit but couldn't live up to what I had done. Now I'm facing major health problems because of my choices.
I have had a weight problem ever since Jason was diagnosed w/ cancer when I was 8 years old. Everyone tells me I used food as a comfort, and I guess I have ever since. I can eat and eat and eat until I literally feel sick inside. And have eaten until I wish I would die. Gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins according to the Bible. I can attest to that.
I have had to deal with a lot in my short 36 years I have been on this Earth. More than majority of the people I knew. Death of several key family members, death of a son, several boughts of severe depression (medicated and non-medicated), money problems, marital problems, spiritual problems and temporal. Have a severe family history of heart problems, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure and other severe abnormalities. What do I do when I turn 16, smoking and drinking. My drinking was never a major problem until I got pulled into the Principal's office and was given the 3rd degree of my involvement w/ liquor found in some people's lockers at the high school. I knew they had it, but didn't know anything about it inside the lockers. At that time, I soon realized the major medical problem my best friend had and major problems alcohol could of contributed to his medical condition, which I never knew he had.
I was teased throughout all my elementary school years. I was always the "fat kid". From the chubby cheeks to the chubby belly and the big butt. My school years have been, hard to say the least. Having to protect my brother during his chemotherapy for his cancer, being placed on the back burner for several years while he was placed #1 in order to beat his ordeal. I don't fault him or any of the family and they tried to keep me in the loop and get me things I needed to battle my own ordeal during this rough time in every one's life. He got better and that is all that mattered to me.
Jr high years was a continuance of where elementary school left off. This time I didn't care about myself. The first battle of my depression. I was going through puberty, hair in places I never imagined, voice lowering, body doing funky things. I would raid my dad's closet and get his 50's and 60's garb and would wear funky clothes, which would make my teasing increase. Silky shirts, cord pants, platform shoes, no showering, greasy hair, pimples and a fat kid. I can look back now and I can imagine what I looked like. And acted like. If it wasn't for my music and being able to dive head first into that, I probably wouldn't of survived past this time.
High school is where I began to take care of myself a lot better. Hair combed nicely, nicer clothes, still fat clothes, but looked decent. I showered and started to take care of myself a lot better and took pride in my appearance. I'm proud to say to this day I have never used any drugs of any kind short of alcohol and nicotine. I never seen any sort of dangerous drugs until I started working for the sheriff's office as a dispatcher. I always had the opportunity "to use" but never partook.
I met Heather in Jr High, when she moved to Tooele. We became aquaintances at this time. We knew of each other, but didn't really know each other well. It wasn't until high school when we got to know each other really well. Sophmore year, Mr Ferrin's chorus, we were invited to go sing the national anthem at the Golden Eagles hockey game, we became very close. She was battling her own demons at the time. I was there with her during the whole time she was battling them, brining us closer to each other. We did everything together. School, after school and personal lives. To this day, I wonder if we ever asked each other to go "steady" but we were considered steady girlfriend and boy friend. Even during this time, we bounced back and forth to & from each other. Mainly because of me, I wonder why she stuck it out with me. I'm surprised we are and have been married almost 16 years.
September 1988 Heather gave birth to a baby boy. She knew she could not take care of him properly and gave him up for adoption. This I know is one of the causes of her depression she is battling with now. I was there with her throughout the whole time, I counted him as mine. Eric turned 18 a couple years back and I have secretly been trying to locate him for her, so she can put closure on this part of her life. To begin her healing, but have not had the best chances on finding him. She was a client of LDS Family Services and they do not "open" their files very easily. I will fight for this till the day I die.
January 18, 1991 Mindee was born. Born of a stubborn hardheaded father, who denied she was his until she was almost 1 1/2 years old. I missed those formiable years in her life. I remember the first day I had with her. It was one of the best days of my life. I was a daddy, and by gosh I was going to be her daddy and not just a sperm donor. She didn't ask for that and I wasn't going to be such a hard person that I would deny her knowing her real father. I became dad. Even though at the time I was a heavy smoker, she didn't like to kiss me much because my mouth tasted "yucky" as she put it. At the time I was dating another high school "sweetie" Kim who had a baby of her own. I was taking care of both kids and spending time with both kids until 1 day I was taking grandma Maxfield home and she said, "You know, us Maxfields, we take care of our own". That's all she had to say for me to realize what I needed to do. I needed to fix my relationship with Heather.
Happily and sadly Feb 9, 1993 I proposed to her. It was her birthday and I had the whole night planned out. Dinner at the 13th floor, Golden Eagles hockey game and propose to her out on center ice. I had it all arranged with the team and the announcers. I was coming home from working at the Tooele Hospital as the graveyard aid, I decided to stop off and wish her a happy birthday. I spent a few mins there and had some time with her and Mindee, and then went home at mom and dad's. They asked me about Heather and knew we were getting serious again. Mom asked and brought up if there is a wedding they will have to plan for. I said as a matter of fact there was and showed her the engagement ring I have been hiding. It wasn't much and I don't even know if Heather still has the ring, but it was only a $15 Walmart special that ended up turning her finger green. It was all I could afford, I was helping all I could with Mindee and still trying to budget everything out.
Shortly after finishing the conversation w/ mom and dad I went to bed, only to be awaken to find out that my grandpa Curtis has passed away and we needed to quickly get on the road to help grandma with the arrangements. After the initial shock of his death, I gathered myself together and went back over to see Heather and give her the gift I had. I proposed to her after crying on her shoulder for some time. It wasn't what I planned, but it was a nice private moment in the begining of our lives together. After we finished crying and holding each other, I asked Heather to come back w/ me to help us get ready for our trip to California. Dad was off getting the van ready, mom and Heather was busy in the kitchen getting things ready to go. Mom gave her a hug and congratualted us both on our new life. It wasn't at all what I imagined, nor was it what I thought it should be.
We made a mad dash and planned the wedding & reception while I was in California. Catering to everyone's trip plans. Jason's graduation was a couple days before and to save everyone having to make 2 trips we decided that we'd hold it the same time. Feb 9th to May 29th, very short time to plan a wedding. Bride's dress needed to be made, bride's maids dresses had to be as well, tux plans, wedding line, colors, food etc. We managed, and fairly inexpensive too. Several hours was spent stamping and embossing our wedding announcements, business cards printed as the invites, peach and white bread ordered from Albertson's for the reception food, Orson Giggy for everything else. It seems like every night available was spent to plan, design, make etc for the wedding and reception.
Wedding was at the LDS church at 200 S Coleman. Dad was the photographer because Heather's step dad could not come to do it. He's a professional photographer in California. Mom and the rest of us did the luncheon and reception food. Debbie Sagers did the wedding cake for her gift to us, the bride's maid dresses Sally Rhodes sewn the dresses and Heather's mom made the wedding gown. Ray Ashby, family friend and seminary teacher, married us. It was a nice evening. Glad it was over, and happy it wasn't dragged out long. The first night we stayed in our apartment 245 S Coleman (kiddy corner from the church). In the morning we got up and went to mom and dad's to open our wedding gifts. I've never seen so many crock pots or toasters in my life. I guess that was the year for them LOL. We took alot of stuff back to Walmart. What ever we needed and didn't get, we was able to at that time.
Our official honey moon was up Ogden Canyon at a place called Wolf Mountain. A ski resort turned high end timeshares during the off peak time. I was so exausted I fell asleep early and wasn't getting up for nothing. It was a long rough 3 months of planning. I felt bad because I left Heather alone. We had a fun time tho. We went to Lagoon, Hill Airforce Air museum, Dinosour park a few times and generally hanging out.
I was able to loose some weight for our wedding. I looked good and Heather looked beautiful. I had never seen anyone so beautiful. Mindee, looked so cute in her matching dress, white dress with a peach ribbon at the waist. She was the flower girl and Heather's cousin was the ring bearer. Heather's dad gave her away, which was the first time she had any contact with him in 17 years or so. She wanted him to give her away so she got back in contact w/ him after all the years.
Life as a newleywed was good. We led "normal" lives at that time. Working, living together, enjoying each other. We had fairly uneventful lives until April 10, 1995. The twins was born, at 25 weeks. 15 weeks early. Heather was having contractions and her water started leaking. She went to Tooele Hospital to get checked out and it was decided that she best get into University Hospital where she could get more advanced care. During the ride in the ambulace, she kept having contractions and was getting more scary term wise. As the ambulance pulled into University Hospital ER, Elijah Grant Curtis was born. Heather was rushed right into Labor & Delivery where Joshua Nathaniel Curtis was born a few minutes later. Elijah was born at 1 lb 12 oz and Joshua was born 2 lbs 4 oz, both I believe was about 12 inches long. Due to the shock Elijah was in, he started out in very bad shape. Joshua it seemed was the stronger of the 2. With Elijah going downhill we decided to have him name and blessed. Mom's friends who she worked with came in and gave both a name and a blessing. I can not remember what was said in both blessings, but Elijah got better and Joshua got worse. All this happening before I was able to see Heather. Heather physically was not able to come to the naming and blessing. Heather was in bad shape herself, her placenta had not delivered yet and basically the doctor had to go in and get it to come out so she wouldn't bleed to death.
Elijah was named after a prominant ancestor of the Maxfield line as well as for the Book of Mormon prophet. Grant was both of my grandfather's middle names. Joshua was named after a person in the Book of Mormon and Nathaniel was out of the scriptures as well. At 50 hours old, Joshua succumed to his medical problems and passed away. Refusing to leave us while Heather and I was in the room. We had just left to try to get some sleep in one of the parent's rooms. It was less than an hour, mom came knocking on the door and said we had best get up, Joshua has passed. We walked down the hallway slowly going to this spare room where we were given time to spend with Joshua and ourselves. Mom helped prepare him for our time together. It was the worst day in my life. 2 of my most prized posessions was pictures we were given of Joshua and Elijah together shortly after his passing. The only pictures we have of them together.
Elijah spent a total of 81 days in NICU at Primary Chilren's Hospital. He had many ups and downs. Finally after steadily growing to little over 4 lbs, we was allowed to bring him home. Premie clothes and diapers was to big for him, but he grew daily. He had a few problems at home, caught RSV twice, stopped breathing a couple of times during the major outbreak. Spent another extended time in at PCH for that. Had hernia surgery. Spent a few days for that. We figure he spent a total of about 125 days in the hospital since birth. He was required to go to the newborn clinic at PCH up until he was 5 or 6. Other than a case of lazy eye and some respiratory problems when he gets sick, he has had no lasting affects of his ordeal. Now he's turned into quite a young man. Turning 14 this past April. He's the second miracle in our family, with Jason being the first.
April 15, 1996 brought another trying time for our family. Uncle Byron passed away. He was found by Aunt Uvonne whom he was living with in Reno, Nevada. 1 year to the day of Joshua's passing. He was buried the same day as Joshua. Shortly after his burial grandma Maxfield had a major stroke. I remember I had to tell my mom. Next to telling Heather of her grandfather's passing, which also occured February 9th, was the worst thing I have had to tell everyone. Grandma battled back so hard and strong, she was released from the nursing home, to go live with my Aunt Uvonne in Reno. I believe that was June 30th or July 1st. By July 3, 1996 she also passed. Succoming to another major stroke. One thing we could all imagine was granddad passing Joshua to grandma to take care of until we could arrive to take care of him. I'm sure it was a joyous reunion. Having been just over 13 years since granddad's death.
I have had a weight problem ever since Jason was diagnosed w/ cancer when I was 8 years old. Everyone tells me I used food as a comfort, and I guess I have ever since. I can eat and eat and eat until I literally feel sick inside. And have eaten until I wish I would die. Gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins according to the Bible. I can attest to that.
I have had to deal with a lot in my short 36 years I have been on this Earth. More than majority of the people I knew. Death of several key family members, death of a son, several boughts of severe depression (medicated and non-medicated), money problems, marital problems, spiritual problems and temporal. Have a severe family history of heart problems, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure and other severe abnormalities. What do I do when I turn 16, smoking and drinking. My drinking was never a major problem until I got pulled into the Principal's office and was given the 3rd degree of my involvement w/ liquor found in some people's lockers at the high school. I knew they had it, but didn't know anything about it inside the lockers. At that time, I soon realized the major medical problem my best friend had and major problems alcohol could of contributed to his medical condition, which I never knew he had.
I was teased throughout all my elementary school years. I was always the "fat kid". From the chubby cheeks to the chubby belly and the big butt. My school years have been, hard to say the least. Having to protect my brother during his chemotherapy for his cancer, being placed on the back burner for several years while he was placed #1 in order to beat his ordeal. I don't fault him or any of the family and they tried to keep me in the loop and get me things I needed to battle my own ordeal during this rough time in every one's life. He got better and that is all that mattered to me.
Jr high years was a continuance of where elementary school left off. This time I didn't care about myself. The first battle of my depression. I was going through puberty, hair in places I never imagined, voice lowering, body doing funky things. I would raid my dad's closet and get his 50's and 60's garb and would wear funky clothes, which would make my teasing increase. Silky shirts, cord pants, platform shoes, no showering, greasy hair, pimples and a fat kid. I can look back now and I can imagine what I looked like. And acted like. If it wasn't for my music and being able to dive head first into that, I probably wouldn't of survived past this time.
High school is where I began to take care of myself a lot better. Hair combed nicely, nicer clothes, still fat clothes, but looked decent. I showered and started to take care of myself a lot better and took pride in my appearance. I'm proud to say to this day I have never used any drugs of any kind short of alcohol and nicotine. I never seen any sort of dangerous drugs until I started working for the sheriff's office as a dispatcher. I always had the opportunity "to use" but never partook.
I met Heather in Jr High, when she moved to Tooele. We became aquaintances at this time. We knew of each other, but didn't really know each other well. It wasn't until high school when we got to know each other really well. Sophmore year, Mr Ferrin's chorus, we were invited to go sing the national anthem at the Golden Eagles hockey game, we became very close. She was battling her own demons at the time. I was there with her during the whole time she was battling them, brining us closer to each other. We did everything together. School, after school and personal lives. To this day, I wonder if we ever asked each other to go "steady" but we were considered steady girlfriend and boy friend. Even during this time, we bounced back and forth to & from each other. Mainly because of me, I wonder why she stuck it out with me. I'm surprised we are and have been married almost 16 years.
September 1988 Heather gave birth to a baby boy. She knew she could not take care of him properly and gave him up for adoption. This I know is one of the causes of her depression she is battling with now. I was there with her throughout the whole time, I counted him as mine. Eric turned 18 a couple years back and I have secretly been trying to locate him for her, so she can put closure on this part of her life. To begin her healing, but have not had the best chances on finding him. She was a client of LDS Family Services and they do not "open" their files very easily. I will fight for this till the day I die.
January 18, 1991 Mindee was born. Born of a stubborn hardheaded father, who denied she was his until she was almost 1 1/2 years old. I missed those formiable years in her life. I remember the first day I had with her. It was one of the best days of my life. I was a daddy, and by gosh I was going to be her daddy and not just a sperm donor. She didn't ask for that and I wasn't going to be such a hard person that I would deny her knowing her real father. I became dad. Even though at the time I was a heavy smoker, she didn't like to kiss me much because my mouth tasted "yucky" as she put it. At the time I was dating another high school "sweetie" Kim who had a baby of her own. I was taking care of both kids and spending time with both kids until 1 day I was taking grandma Maxfield home and she said, "You know, us Maxfields, we take care of our own". That's all she had to say for me to realize what I needed to do. I needed to fix my relationship with Heather.
Happily and sadly Feb 9, 1993 I proposed to her. It was her birthday and I had the whole night planned out. Dinner at the 13th floor, Golden Eagles hockey game and propose to her out on center ice. I had it all arranged with the team and the announcers. I was coming home from working at the Tooele Hospital as the graveyard aid, I decided to stop off and wish her a happy birthday. I spent a few mins there and had some time with her and Mindee, and then went home at mom and dad's. They asked me about Heather and knew we were getting serious again. Mom asked and brought up if there is a wedding they will have to plan for. I said as a matter of fact there was and showed her the engagement ring I have been hiding. It wasn't much and I don't even know if Heather still has the ring, but it was only a $15 Walmart special that ended up turning her finger green. It was all I could afford, I was helping all I could with Mindee and still trying to budget everything out.
Shortly after finishing the conversation w/ mom and dad I went to bed, only to be awaken to find out that my grandpa Curtis has passed away and we needed to quickly get on the road to help grandma with the arrangements. After the initial shock of his death, I gathered myself together and went back over to see Heather and give her the gift I had. I proposed to her after crying on her shoulder for some time. It wasn't what I planned, but it was a nice private moment in the begining of our lives together. After we finished crying and holding each other, I asked Heather to come back w/ me to help us get ready for our trip to California. Dad was off getting the van ready, mom and Heather was busy in the kitchen getting things ready to go. Mom gave her a hug and congratualted us both on our new life. It wasn't at all what I imagined, nor was it what I thought it should be.
We made a mad dash and planned the wedding & reception while I was in California. Catering to everyone's trip plans. Jason's graduation was a couple days before and to save everyone having to make 2 trips we decided that we'd hold it the same time. Feb 9th to May 29th, very short time to plan a wedding. Bride's dress needed to be made, bride's maids dresses had to be as well, tux plans, wedding line, colors, food etc. We managed, and fairly inexpensive too. Several hours was spent stamping and embossing our wedding announcements, business cards printed as the invites, peach and white bread ordered from Albertson's for the reception food, Orson Giggy for everything else. It seems like every night available was spent to plan, design, make etc for the wedding and reception.
Wedding was at the LDS church at 200 S Coleman. Dad was the photographer because Heather's step dad could not come to do it. He's a professional photographer in California. Mom and the rest of us did the luncheon and reception food. Debbie Sagers did the wedding cake for her gift to us, the bride's maid dresses Sally Rhodes sewn the dresses and Heather's mom made the wedding gown. Ray Ashby, family friend and seminary teacher, married us. It was a nice evening. Glad it was over, and happy it wasn't dragged out long. The first night we stayed in our apartment 245 S Coleman (kiddy corner from the church). In the morning we got up and went to mom and dad's to open our wedding gifts. I've never seen so many crock pots or toasters in my life. I guess that was the year for them LOL. We took alot of stuff back to Walmart. What ever we needed and didn't get, we was able to at that time.
Our official honey moon was up Ogden Canyon at a place called Wolf Mountain. A ski resort turned high end timeshares during the off peak time. I was so exausted I fell asleep early and wasn't getting up for nothing. It was a long rough 3 months of planning. I felt bad because I left Heather alone. We had a fun time tho. We went to Lagoon, Hill Airforce Air museum, Dinosour park a few times and generally hanging out.
I was able to loose some weight for our wedding. I looked good and Heather looked beautiful. I had never seen anyone so beautiful. Mindee, looked so cute in her matching dress, white dress with a peach ribbon at the waist. She was the flower girl and Heather's cousin was the ring bearer. Heather's dad gave her away, which was the first time she had any contact with him in 17 years or so. She wanted him to give her away so she got back in contact w/ him after all the years.
Life as a newleywed was good. We led "normal" lives at that time. Working, living together, enjoying each other. We had fairly uneventful lives until April 10, 1995. The twins was born, at 25 weeks. 15 weeks early. Heather was having contractions and her water started leaking. She went to Tooele Hospital to get checked out and it was decided that she best get into University Hospital where she could get more advanced care. During the ride in the ambulace, she kept having contractions and was getting more scary term wise. As the ambulance pulled into University Hospital ER, Elijah Grant Curtis was born. Heather was rushed right into Labor & Delivery where Joshua Nathaniel Curtis was born a few minutes later. Elijah was born at 1 lb 12 oz and Joshua was born 2 lbs 4 oz, both I believe was about 12 inches long. Due to the shock Elijah was in, he started out in very bad shape. Joshua it seemed was the stronger of the 2. With Elijah going downhill we decided to have him name and blessed. Mom's friends who she worked with came in and gave both a name and a blessing. I can not remember what was said in both blessings, but Elijah got better and Joshua got worse. All this happening before I was able to see Heather. Heather physically was not able to come to the naming and blessing. Heather was in bad shape herself, her placenta had not delivered yet and basically the doctor had to go in and get it to come out so she wouldn't bleed to death.
Elijah was named after a prominant ancestor of the Maxfield line as well as for the Book of Mormon prophet. Grant was both of my grandfather's middle names. Joshua was named after a person in the Book of Mormon and Nathaniel was out of the scriptures as well. At 50 hours old, Joshua succumed to his medical problems and passed away. Refusing to leave us while Heather and I was in the room. We had just left to try to get some sleep in one of the parent's rooms. It was less than an hour, mom came knocking on the door and said we had best get up, Joshua has passed. We walked down the hallway slowly going to this spare room where we were given time to spend with Joshua and ourselves. Mom helped prepare him for our time together. It was the worst day in my life. 2 of my most prized posessions was pictures we were given of Joshua and Elijah together shortly after his passing. The only pictures we have of them together.
Elijah spent a total of 81 days in NICU at Primary Chilren's Hospital. He had many ups and downs. Finally after steadily growing to little over 4 lbs, we was allowed to bring him home. Premie clothes and diapers was to big for him, but he grew daily. He had a few problems at home, caught RSV twice, stopped breathing a couple of times during the major outbreak. Spent another extended time in at PCH for that. Had hernia surgery. Spent a few days for that. We figure he spent a total of about 125 days in the hospital since birth. He was required to go to the newborn clinic at PCH up until he was 5 or 6. Other than a case of lazy eye and some respiratory problems when he gets sick, he has had no lasting affects of his ordeal. Now he's turned into quite a young man. Turning 14 this past April. He's the second miracle in our family, with Jason being the first.
April 15, 1996 brought another trying time for our family. Uncle Byron passed away. He was found by Aunt Uvonne whom he was living with in Reno, Nevada. 1 year to the day of Joshua's passing. He was buried the same day as Joshua. Shortly after his burial grandma Maxfield had a major stroke. I remember I had to tell my mom. Next to telling Heather of her grandfather's passing, which also occured February 9th, was the worst thing I have had to tell everyone. Grandma battled back so hard and strong, she was released from the nursing home, to go live with my Aunt Uvonne in Reno. I believe that was June 30th or July 1st. By July 3, 1996 she also passed. Succoming to another major stroke. One thing we could all imagine was granddad passing Joshua to grandma to take care of until we could arrive to take care of him. I'm sure it was a joyous reunion. Having been just over 13 years since granddad's death.
I knew about some of the things in your blog but not all of it. I am happy that you were able to get it out so its not trapped inside anymore.
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